It all ended with a trip to the ER. I had three panic attacks within 12 hours. My depression was literally trying to kill me. I was put into suicide watch as soon as they took me back. Every moment there was hell. Oregon isn’t known for it’s LGBT support in the ER and I felt it.
I swore I wasn’t going to end up there again.
I’d finally reached my breaking point. You know, that moment that entrepreneur podcasters talk about when explaining how it all changed. In no way did I immediately get better. That being said, it was the kick I needed to start looking at what changes I needed to make.
The thought of me having to make some changes in my life was just wild. Not because I didn’t think I could make a change but because I thought I already had everything. A beautiful apartment in a city known for its character, a smart and witty engineer boyfriend, a best friend to vent to, a social work job that was not only incredibly fulfilling but also very flexible to my needs and goals. I was eating my avocado toast breakfast, doing my yoga and meditation, getting in my 10,000 steps, writing in my gratitude journal and snuggling my 3 legged rescue cat on the daily.
I was scared to wake up the next day because I couldn’t stand the thought of feeling bad any more.
There was nothing obviously wrong. I’m very privileged. A lot of my suffering was made up of me feeling bad that I was feeling bad because I shouldn’t be feeling bad. I’m over that now. If my body is going to self destruct when I’m not actively working towards huge, impressive goals then to hell with it. I’ll be a slave to my goals and I’ll get a second therapist.
As I expressed in my first post I’ve decided to take my future into my own hands. I am committing to blog at least 10 times, once for each of my ten day check-ins as I reach towards my 100-day goal.
As you know from the title my goal starts with having a powerful social presence. But I have to go further than that. For one, I’m a by the book type of person and need to make sure it’s a SMART goal. But first…
How did I get to this goal?
My dad is an entrepreneur. My whole life I saw him smiling as he worked tons of different jobs, following his passions, pursuing his interests and flowing between one opportunity and the next. On his 70th birthday he was riding a bus through the remote parts of Mexico on a photography trip, despite not knowing two words of spanish (EDIT: He knows Pollo and
Gracias). Right now he’s weathering out the ‘Rona virus in Hawaii where he rides a motorcycle down to the empty beach and works on engineering his own polynesian style canoe, partly for fun and partly as a business idea.
I always wanted to be like him. Seeing him made my brain alight with businesses and ideas from an early age. I’ve worked a multitude of jobs that have all been wonderful and horrible. As mentioned, I have struggled with anxiety, depression, dyslexia, and other random things for most of my life. This has made working for an employer extraordinarily difficult. Mash on top of that my unending sea of business ideas and you have made a time bomb of “I’m going to strike it out on my own!”
So why isn’t my goal to make a full time income in 100-days?
Because I put to much pressure on myself to achieve big things. I’m only 22 and I have a lot left to figure out. That being said money is a part of the equation.
My DUMB goal:
My goal is to have a distinct rhythm to what I create so that I feel confident that whatever I put into the world will be well received by my tribe, and that I will build a community that finds such value in the things that I create that it brings them joy to pay me.
I will spend the next 100 days exploring the following areas:
What my ‘thing’ is on tik tok
Collaborating with other creators
Connecting my youtube, insta, tik tok, blog, novel and online course
Promoting my Debut novel
Researching and creating systems to get paid (patreon, merch, sponsorships, classes, coaching)
My stretch goal is that I will be making $250 or more per month in 2021 (almost breaking even on monthly costs)
Along with my posts here I will be working in my new journal to plan out a life that I can only hope will come to fruition.
Tomorrow is Day 1 of my 100-day goal. That leaves me with four(?) days of rest and checking in with myself before January 1st. In these last few months of 2020 I’ll also be moving, publishing my novel, and enjoying life.
Thank you for being here with me as I start on this wild ride. If you too are looking for a big change Then might I suggest you plan your 100-day goal. While SMART goals are wonderful, I’d rather you write down some sentence that sets your soul on fire.
Take your time deciding what it actually is you work towards, I would hate to watch you climb the wrong mountain or lose motivation and give up halfway through.
Whatever your goal is, even if it’s not something you are working on for 100days, I want to hear about it. The more we toal about our goals and surround ourselves with the people who support us, the better our lives get. So share your project with me here in the comments or on TikTok and/or Insta @thegayjasperjay
I’ll see you tomorrow for day 1.